Tuesday, August 19, 2008

A little bit of impulsiveness

I usually like to call myself a flexible person. Of course, deep down I know I'm almost everything but. I like to plan everything in advance, although I do allow myself some deviations from the plan. But it works like this: I can be flexible WITHIN a plan (for example change the destination if I already decided to travel). It gets a lot harder if I have to change the plan altogether.

Today, I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to go away for a few days, leaving tomorrow. Instead of making me feel all giddy, I first felt almost guilty. Why? It's not like I can't do whatever I please. I live by myself, I don't even have any pets to look after. My "job" (the beloved thesis) is not dependent on time or place, and I could definitely use some distance anyway.

So after a bit of fretting, I decided to allow myself to enjoy this unexpected impulsiveness.

A nice feeling really, changing your plans just like that. Should try it more often. Maybe...

Thursday, August 07, 2008

A year older, infinitely wiser?

This week, I've been thinking about how many things can change in a year. Since last August, I've changed my job (well, I don't exactly have one at all right now), my apartment (twice), my major, my relationship status... And I do feel quite a bit wiser than a year ago. Looking back to last August, I feel like I've grown up so much... I seemed to have so many definitive opinions about things, I seemed to be so sure about how life would turn out. Well, I was wrong, and if I'm lucky, I might have gotten rid of a bit of my youthful idealism along the way.

Since I have been thinking about age in general lately (how can it be, for instance, that the Finnish olympic team has five members born in the 1990s??), I decided to
look back a few years of my own life.
A year ago:
- I was going to write my MA thesis on American literature
- I thought emotions could be controlled with reason

Five years ago:
- I started my studies at the University (still planning to become a teacher for elementary school)
- I felt like I should do whatever I thought others expected of me

Ten years ago:
- On my 16th birthday, I arrived in Arizona to spend a year with a strange family in a completely new environment
- I'd created a strong conviction of being an irritating person who nobody wanted to hang around with

Fifteen years ago:
- I started 5th grade and became one of the bigger kids at school (though still not allowed to sit at the round tables at the cafeteria, they were for 6th-graders only...)

Twenty years ago:
- I went to preschool and started to learn about schedules and rules (the teacher frequently called my parents to complain about my cheekiness...)