Always on my mind...

Time goes by...

2008-12-28T21:18:00.002+02:00

... on so many levels. There's the simple week-to-week, too fast passage of time, of course, which seems to keep me from doing things I want (like writing my blog, sending out Christmas cards etc.). Then there's the year-to-year speed, which makes children grow into teenagers, adults into elderly, and me - yeah, into what?

I don't think I've changed much in the last 5 years (I know what I've said earlier about growing more mature, maybe, but you know, physically at least) - whereas my "baby cousins" have become these all new persons. I can't keep up with them, I don't know how to talk to them anymore (it might help to keep in touch with them a bit more often than once a year?).

I think my Dad's getting old. He has this dark grey beard with a few streaks of white (his hair has stayed the same though, so I guess I should be pleased with my hair genes - the hair's always thin and dull-colored, but it won't go bald or grey). His legs look like they belong to a grandpa (you know, skinny legs coupled with a bit of a belly). Mom, who's older, seems younger. She hasn't changed a bit (good hair genes on her side, too), or maybe even for the better after she had her hip fixed two years ago.

Me, on the other hand, I don't think I even appear my own age :D I seem to think I'm still 20. I mean, I look at strange people actually my age and think they're "grown-up," but if someone I know is having a baby, I think they're "so awfully young." I wonder if one ever feels their own age?

Once a choir girl, always a choir girl?

2008-11-23T16:41:00.002+02:00

Going back and forth with trying to decide whether to continue singing in the choir (after over 5 years), I've been thinking about the significance of the group. It's interesting to see how the dynamic of a social group never seems to be stagnant. Maybe it's the student group nature of the choir, people coming and going, but in any case, in the past five years there have been many different "seasons." I guess I have to admit that it is a kind of second family to me. You don't always love them but cannot seem to get rid of them either... ;)

While I'd like to see something else for a change - or even go back to playing the violin for a while - I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave the community. Last night at our birthday gala I was so touched to watch a man probably in his 70s or 80s sing along old favorites. He knew them by heart, and although his voice was that of an old man, he sure had passion... How great would it be to attend the 90th birthday (in 45 years) and be able to participate in that cross-generational feeling of unity?

The unbearable snugness of being...

2008-09-13T21:18:00.004+03:00

Some things never fail to please me. First thing that comes to mind is the very short GrooveFM signature tune! However often it may come, it still always reminds me of last spring and makes me smile. Hard to say why, really, maybe just because I listened so much to the radio in that tiny apartment of mine. Hearing the tune makes me remember all the excitement of living on my own for the first time. And then, I guess, it just brings to my mind the special thrill of spring-time in general. All seasons have their appealing sides, but there sure is something about spring!

Now that fall is here, I realize again my apparent need for "nesting." All kinds of decorating stores catch my eye and I love the fact that I can light some candles and just enjoy my own company. Sitting inside in the warmth of my own home, even the darkness outside seems appealing. An amazing sense of complete happiness has flushed over me on more than one occasion. What else could one hope for on a Saturday night - comfy clothes, candlelight, an entertaining chick magazine, some sparkling wine, and maybe even a home manicure? I wouldn't rather be anywhere else right now...

The last week or so, I've also enjoyed the privilege of sleeping just as much as I please. I know that's coming to an end, so I'm hoping to gain some extra energy from all the time I've spent dreaming...

A little bit of impulsiveness

2008-08-19T23:29:00.002+03:00

I usually like to call myself a flexible person. Of course, deep down I know I'm almost everything but. I like to plan everything in advance, although I do allow myself some deviations from the plan. But it works like this: I can be flexible WITHIN a plan (for example change the destination if I already decided to travel). It gets a lot harder if I have to change the plan altogether.

Today, I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to go away for a few days, leaving tomorrow. Instead of making me feel all giddy, I first felt almost guilty. Why? It's not like I can't do whatever I please. I live by myself, I don't even have any pets to look after. My "job" (the beloved thesis) is not dependent on time or place, and I could definitely use some distance anyway.

So after a bit of fretting, I decided to allow myself to enjoy this unexpected impulsiveness.

A nice feeling really, changing your plans just like that. Should try it more often. Maybe...

A year older, infinitely wiser?

2008-08-07T22:50:00.002+03:00

This week, I've been thinking about how many things can change in a year. Since last August, I've changed my job (well, I don't exactly have one at all right now), my apartment (twice), my major, my relationship status... And I do feel quite a bit wiser than a year ago. Looking back to last August, I feel like I've grown up so much... I seemed to have so many definitive opinions about things, I seemed to be so sure about how life would turn out. Well, I was wrong, and if I'm lucky, I might have gotten rid of a bit of my youthful idealism along the way.

Since I have been thinking about age in general lately (how can it be, for instance, that the Finnish olympic team has five members born in the 1990s??), I decided to
look back a few years of my own life.
A year ago:
- I was going to write my MA thesis on American literature
- I thought emotions could be controlled with reason

Five years ago:
- I started my studies at the University (still planning to become a teacher for elementary school)
- I felt like I should do whatever I thought others expected of me

Ten years ago:
- On my 16th birthday, I arrived in Arizona to spend a year with a strange family in a completely new environment
- I'd created a strong conviction of being an irritating person who nobody wanted to hang around with

Fifteen years ago:
- I started 5th grade and became one of the bigger kids at school (though still not allowed to sit at the round tables at the cafeteria, they were for 6th-graders only...)

Twenty years ago:
- I went to preschool and started to learn about schedules and rules (the teacher frequently called my parents to complain about my cheekiness...)

Growing roots, gathering dust?

2008-07-15T23:25:00.002+03:00

I just suddenly realized something. Literally out of nowhere it occurred to me that I'm perfectly content with my surroundings and my life. (Ok, I mean the basic conditions. I could always have a little bit more money and a little bit more time with loved ones etc., but anyways.)

I'm so used to yearning for action, new places, socializing, things to do that I assumed this was the case behind my slight gloominess this time, as well. But I just realized it's quite on the contrary. I'm tired. I long for routine, every-day life, familiar people and places.

Nothing wrong with that at all. For this one, fleeting moment, I have just what I need. It'll go away, I know, and probably too soon, too...

Attitude

2008-07-09T14:17:00.002+03:00

I saw a man "jogging" on crutches. You could tell that he wasn't just walking to get from one place to another, but actually exercising. Going a lot faster than your average guy on two feet, too. There's proper attitude for you!

Speaking of attitude, I'm trying to adjust mine. So far, I've been stressing and fretting about not finding a job for the summer. Of course, I'd need the money, but I do have some to live on, so I shouldn't complain. This was, after all, what I wanted in the first place: the possibility to start working on my MA thesis over the summer, in my own speed. Doing just that today - reading background material and enjoying the beautiful sunshine at the same time :)

Feels Like Home

2008-06-29T23:07:00.002+03:00

Only a day after coming back to Finland, I had to get my act together for moving all my stuff to the new apartment. Physically exhausting but emotionally not too much, in fact, I really felt like coming home after a long time. This area and this apartment seem to have some special quality that always reminds me of home. Is it because it really was my first own place "back then" or because the area really is amazing, I don't know. But in any case, I'm just exhilarated to be back! The apartment even smells like it used to! There is one added bonus though - the bathroom has been renovated since I moved out and is now a million times better than before. Just loving it.

Moving and putting stuff to place second time in the last 5 months has also left me quite confident in my skills as a handyman. I may not be exactly housewife material (cooking, cleaning, sewing etc.) but I do take some pride in putting together some furniture and lifting heavy boxes... All about finding a man who'd fill in the female role then :P

Best of the Best

2008-06-24T20:27:00.002+03:00

The past six weeks have felt like forever, and at the same time, flown past in an instant. It's been amazing, and since everyone's going to ask anyway, I'll jot down a couple of highlights, the very best of all the good things.

- speaking English
- cheap coffee
- bagels
- martinis
- sangria
- living the Toronto life for a little while and meeting new people
- catching up on 5 months worth of Life (yes, with capital L) with M

That being said, I'm ready to go home, at least for a little while... ;)

Cultural politics

2008-06-09T06:05:00.003+03:00

As our road trip continued to Québec City, the sensation of being in Europe got even stronger. This pretty little town could almost anywhere in Central Europe. Reminds me of old Tallinn, for instance. As for the language barrier, we've still managed with English, especially when we've been careful to demonstrate that we're not English by mother tongue. It's kind of a weird thing, how the French-speakers sometimes look nastily at those who speak English with each other. Like you could help it, if it happens to be your first language!? I do think, though, that we have a bit of the same thing going on in Finland in terms of Swedish and Finnish. And I think it goes both ways, too.

Another thing I've noticed here is that the Quebecois are keen on presenting their "Native" heritage. I don't think I've seen this many "Native art" shops anywhere else in North America. Most of the shops or "galleries" advertise being distinctly Quebecois but seem to offer just as much West Coast "artefacts"...

What continent was this, exactly?

2008-06-06T22:13:00.003+03:00

Some 200 km further to the east, and it almost feels like being shipped back to the old continent. Montreal is very European, and very French to be exact, especially in comparison with the multiethnic (though culturally quite North American) Toronto. Thanks (?) to the scores of tourists, one can still get by with English. We've had some nasty looks, though, for not being able to speak French. We'll see how it is in the countryside.

Overall, I'm finding this Canadian mixture of North America and Europe slightly confusing. Time is usually expressed in the 12-hour format (except in French signs, where they use the 24-hour format); distances are in kilometres but heights in feet; weight sometimes in kilos and sometimes in pounds. And so on. Crazy people :P

Roadtrip begins!

2008-06-03T04:41:00.002+03:00

(Too) early this morning we got up to begin our tour of eastern Canada. First, though, we had to empty M's room because we won't be returning to the same house in Toronto. Although it wasn't too much fun carrying heaps of luggage down to the street from the third floor, it was by far the easiest move I've seen ;)

The 5-hour bus trip to Ottawa was reasonably comfy. I've heard interesting stories about Greyhound (busdrivers who realize halfway through the journey that they're going in the wrong direction; luggage disappearing during the trip etc.) but at least this one was all good. More space for legs than in your average airplane and no creepy people aboard.

Along the way we passed some cute farmhouses and beautiful villas. Also the greenness of the early June landscape was a welcome change after Toronto. We also crossed a Mississippi River! First I thought I was hallucinating, but turns out it's a tributary of the Ottawa River... ;)

Our hostel in Ottawa is a former jailhouse, and it's quite a sight in itself. Our room is converted from two tiny cells, and now houses beds for 6 people - and nothing else really. The location is very central though, and we already did a bit of sightseeing around the Parliament Hill. All's looking well :)

Getting ready to hit the road...

2008-06-01T17:19:00.002+03:00

Tomorrow we'll leave Toronto for a while to explore the rest of eastern Canada. First stops Ottawa and Montreal by Greyhound, further plans to be made... :) In anticipation of the grand tour, we rented a cool PT Cruiser (sweet cream color, too!) last week and drove to the Niagara Falls. We were lucky to get a beautiful weather, blue skies and a good 20 degrees.

The Niagara area as such was even tackier than I'd expected, I must say. Huge hotels overlooking the falls, a casino, and an entire little city built to attract tourists. It was rather surreal, really. The falls as such were beautiful, of course, and I'm happy I finally got to see them. Also enjoyed going down behind the falls. Still kind of thinking about driving to the US side of the border too...

The best thing about the trip was probably just driving around the countryside, seeing all the amazing houses around Niagara-on-the-Lake (will return when I'm 70...), and dropping by a few vineyeards. We had a local "tour guide," which definitely made the trip more fun.

Otherwise, we've just been enjoying our freedom - sleeping late, going for coffee, coming to M's place to do our nails and things like that. This week I've also met several of her friends (and new ones, too) for a little dinner party (the BBQ without a grill...) and Saturday-night sangria.

To sum up the first two weeks in Toronto, it's been great! It's been good to be able to just go about without any stress and hurry, which is so typical of your average city holidays. The next two weeks are sure to be more hectic!

On the other hand, this all feels unreal somehow. It doesn't quite seem that I have a "normal" life at all. Maybe it's because I don't have a job waiting for me back home, and because I won't be returning to the apartment I left. In any case, it feels a bit weird every now and then. Not necessarily in a bad way, even. Just like "is this really happening to me." Continuation of my thoughts throughout the spring, really.

Summer days

2008-05-27T03:20:00.002+03:00

The warm weather finally arrived, meaning wonderful lazy days spent wandering in parks and enjoying the sun. High Park was a really great place to spend a Saturday afternoon, with lots of space for having a picnic, beautiful flowers and trees. We also saw a family walking their pet iguana on a leash... They also had a little boa with them, but he (she?) had to just travel in his owner's arms. In addition, I've seen a big poodle wearing sunglasses... Yup, tiny little ones but they went properly behind his ears and all. The things you see in a big city...!

On Saturday we also went to a party in a frat house. Not a proper frat party, but rather a gathering of some friends. It was fun anyways to see the house(s). The main building was in a horribly bad condition, mostly due to lack of cleaning... Maybe 20 bags of trash in the kitchen. Imagine the smell... Afterwards, we went to a nightclub and I was very satisfied to get free entrance for coming all the way from Finland :D (It did seem to me, though, that no one else paid anything either, but apparently that was because they were local students or something.)

Mostly we've just been walking around the different neighborhoods: Little Italy, Greektown, Koreatown, Chinatown and so on. Looking into funny little stores and trying out different kinds of foods. Goood times ;)

Tourist activities

2008-05-22T03:47:00.002+03:00

Other than the previous comments about insane bureaucracy, I've been enjoying the regular tourist activities with the added flavor of having one or two local guides. This way (and, well, with a bit of luck), we've managed to do a lot of free or cheap things:

- Black Creek Pioneer Village (admission 2 dollars instead of 12 an hour before closing time), which was a pretty little 19th century village thingy with guides dressed up accordingly.
- Lunch-time piano concert at the Four Seasons Centre for Performing Arts. Music was a bit modern to our liking, but it was fun to hear the pianist talk about the pieces. Also, it felt good to just sit for an hour without having to actively do anything. (The seats were a bit uncomfortable, though.)
- Royal Ontario Museum, free for the last hour on Wednesday. Saw First Nations artifacts (why was the lighting so dark?), a weird Canada exhibit (a mixture of furniture, paintings etc.), and dinosaur skeletons, which were awesome.

We've also done some shopping (for warmer clothes...), enjoyed fresh bagels, and wondered in pretty little parks. I can't get over the abundance of cute squirrels in this city. Many of them are black! I also saw a tiny little one... Don't know if it was a baby or a midget. Cool birds too in all kinds of bright colors.

Rules and Regulations

2008-05-22T03:30:00.002+03:00

I know Canada is supposed to be nothing like the United States but let me, nevertheless, point out some oddities in terms of bureaucracy in these two countries:

- you can't cash traveler's checks at a bank without having an account there. You can't open an account without cash and a permanent address in Canada
- they have about a billion different price groups for public transportation: regular, 14-day advance purchase, 7-day advance purchase, 1-day advance purchase, local student, student with ISIC, youth, and so on... In addition, I heard different companies may have two for the price of one deals as well...
- when you enter the US from Canada, you have to pay a 7-dollar visa waiver fee that allows you to stay in that country for three months. When you return to Canada within that time period, they may not necessarily remove the piece of paper from your passport (in case you want to re-enter the US). However, if the paper remains in your passport after those three months, you can't return to the US because they think you've never left the country. How can they think you never left if you're crossing the border from Canada to the US, I don't know. In any case, you have to get the visa waiver removed from your passport (by sending it to US authorities or by traveling to the nearest international airport to do it) and somehow prove that you have at some point left the US. (Again, if you're doing this IN Canada, how can they think you haven't left the US?)

As for security matters, M told me that Canadians frequently drive around with a gun by their side. However, they have to file a whole lot of paperwork if they ever take out that gun so I guess that's supposed to keep irrational shooting at a minimum...? On my very first night here we went to see a movie preview at the university and there were two security guys there to make sure people didn't record the film or something. They just had some kind of binoculars or something, which was really creepy. I had this feeling that they were aiming at me and would shoot me at any moment...

First Impressions

2008-05-18T16:46:00.003+03:00

Toronto feels comfy and somehow familiar. Maybe it's the CN Tower that stands out wherever you look (makes me feel like I'm in Seattle), or the architecture that resembles that of Vancouver. Also, it seems to be true that nowhere in the world are there as many nationalities/ethnicities present as here. One blond girl easily fits in the crowd (as opposed to, say, Spain).

On the other hand, you know it's a big city. In the first few days, I've seen:
- one seemingly liveless body at a street corner
- two cases of paramedics giving first aid (one at the mall, the other at a subway station)
- one accident involving a car and a bike

The transfer system of the public transportation network is funny. When you enter the subway/bus/streetcar, you can ask for a transfer ticket. On it it says that it is valid only for continuing your trip (not for backtracking) "within reasonable time" and you're not allowed to walk a part of the way in-between stops. How weird is that? How do they determine "reasonable time"? I haven't yet dared to test...

Also noticed the irony of the Canadian 20-dollar bill. The backside portrays the colonized (First Nations or their art) and the front side the colonizer (Queen Elizabeth). Or maybe the British colonize(d) both the First Nations as well as the "white" Canadians? Not very relevant maybe, but just caught my attention.

I'm going to Canada!!

2008-05-13T15:28:00.003+03:00

Countdown 17.5 hours.

I've packed my suitcase, emptied my apartment (well, at least almost), and taken care of the gazillion things on my list (or at least the ones I remembered to put on the list). I'm feeling calmer and ready to go!

It's going to be amazing... I bet I'll get fed up at times (or probably M will get fed up with me first, as one nice person suggested) but it's still going to be so good to see all those places, both new and familiar ones. And I'm absolutely thrilled about the idea of settling in Toronto for two whole weeks, living in the city sort of. And getting to go through almost five month's worth of gossip and stuff :)

First Toronto update to follow in a day or two!

Pre-travel Panic

2008-05-10T18:08:00.002+03:00

Countdown 2 days 13 hours and I'm freaking out! I have a gazillion things to do and I can't seem to get started. I just want to stay home... I know I'll enjoy it once I get going, but right now it's just so hard to think about anything else besides the chaos around me. Not only do I need to pack my stuff for a 6-week trip, I also need to empty my apartment, send a few job applications and take care of some financial issues...

In addition to pre-travel panic, I probably also got too much sun today and am simply feeling nauseated.

Spring=optimism?

2008-04-29T21:05:00.002+03:00

Are things actually beginning to work out or is it just the long, sun-lit evenings spent drinking sparkling wine that make me feel more optimistic?

I've found a couple of really interesting jobs to apply, and I even feel that I might be a strong candidate for one of them!

And it seems that I won't end up homeless after all! My parents' studio in Käpylä is suddenly going to be available in June. It isn't exactly in the downtown area like I had hoped, but hey, it's pretty cheap, almost twice as big as this apartment, and in good condition. And it has a balcony! Sound vaguely familiar? Yes, I've lived there before, the first two years after I moved away from my parents'. That's a bit of a downside, but I'll try to make it look like a new apartment. Everyone welcome to help me out ;)

And saving the best for last: only two more weeks and I'll be in Toronto! The spring went by real fast, but my gawd, am I waiting to see my dear friend again!! Official countdown: 14 days and 12 hours 'til take-off :)

More Spring!

2008-04-19T20:14:00.002+03:00

Last night I woke up at around 5am. The sun was about to rise... And I could hear birds singing! This is one of the most amazing things about spring - hearing the birds again, and realizing how you've missed them. Almost wanted to get up, get dressed and go outside to feel the nature wake up around me.

A more practical, and less romantic, action was to fall back asleep :)

But soon it will be summer, and I promise myself to enjoy those early-morning and late-night moments, when the air is so still you can almost touch it. When the world is so beautiful you almost want to cry.

Who knows, I might even get to share those moments with someone...

Sensation of Freedom

2008-04-17T19:16:00.003+03:00

It's Spring! The seagulls, of course. Tiny hints of green in trees and bushes. Smell of earth. Freckles. New icecream flavors. And throat and eyes full of dust.

After a busy and rough winter, I'm barely able to keep my feet on the ground. I've got a few minor assignments to finish, and then I'm done with school (and even better, done with studying English for good [yeah, I know, never say never]). I'm starting to have the energy to read just for fun, and it makes me so happy (although I recently swore I wouldn't read another novel once I'm finished with my seminar paper).

I heard Hanson's MMMbop on the radio, really made my day :D Fond memories of the summer of ´97... (How can it be 11 years???)

I'm still facing unemployment and homelessness, but who cares. I'll spend the summer on the nearby beach with the gulls and the glimmering sea. Truly takes my breath away.

Permanent Turbulence...

2008-03-27T16:52:00.003+02:00

Almost nothing in my life is permanent, except for the above-mentioned turbulence... No job, no apartment (well, at least after May), no relationship at least the way I'm used to, and most urgently, no finished research paper.

Makes life pretty hard at times, if also definitely interesting.

Well, I've got my friends of course. But people are by definition sort of fluid, absent physically or mentally. Sometimes it just doesn't help to know that they exist in general, no matter how hard you try. You'd just desperately need them by your side, right this instant...

If all else fails, take a nap.

Up and down we go

2008-02-26T09:21:00.002+02:00

I need to remind myself every few hours about the promise I made to be more positive... Someone asked me whether I had manic-depressive tendencies and sometimes it does feel like that. Without the manic bit though :P I know, it's not exactly a thing to joke about but I have to admit that I'm awfully moody sometimes. Maybe it has more to do with the fact that I boil over easily. I get hung up on minor details, take everything personally, and stress on other people's behalf.

On the positive side, I calm down pretty easily, too. Maybe that's what makes my life seem like an eternal rollercoaster...

Being Happy

2008-02-16T13:02:00.002+02:00

I've decided that I shouldn't let those gloomy moments carry through to the next day. Instead, I need to gain strength from happy moments. If there don't seem to be too many, I need to change my attitude! Stop over-analyzing and thinking of worst-case scenarios!

Haha. She's full of resolutive power this Saturday afternoon :D But seriously, life's pretty good at the moment. I fixed my financial problems (well, only temporarily but still), went for a walk and hopefully get to hear some good music tonight. Helsinki seems like a whole new city when I look at it from my new neighborhood. I have people who care about me and stick around, although I haven't been the easiest person for the past few months (if ever).

There. My happy thoughts for today :)

Condition of general "bleh"

2008-02-11T13:13:00.000+02:00

That's how I'd describe my overall mood at the moment. First I was a bit sad, then pissed-off, then I figured that it's just general "bleh"... Mondays have never been my favorite days anyway but today it's just really hard not to crawl under the blanket and sleep 'til tomorrow at least.

I sat two hours at my English seminar, my thoughts wondering off quite beyond "the double-colonization of women"... Nothing new though, I never have anything intelligent to say in that class. "Looking forward" to next week, when people will have a go at my pathetic essay draft.

Went to ask about a job I really wanted, only to hear that an acquaintance had already got the post. Of course I'm jealous but I don't think it's too fair to just give the job to the first person who asks about it, without any proper application time or anything. Besides, I know I would've been really good at it too. Hope they feel sorry now ;)

(Dis)equilibrium

2008-01-20T10:45:00.000+02:00

I've returned to my former philosophy that life is a constant state of disequilibrium. No use making statements about "serenity" or any some such stable state of mind. It's bound to come crashing down.

It does seem that most often there's only myself to blame. Makes me wonder whether this means that I'm incapable of settling down? I'm so used to my life on the rollercoaster of adolescence that I have the need to buy a seasonal ticket?

That being said, I still believe that good things will, in one form or another, come out of this whole new stage in my life.

Nesting

2007-10-22T14:39:00.000+03:00

Unlike other animals, I experience the "urge to nest" in the fall, not in the spring. Whereas the average creature is exhilarated by the first signs of more light and warmth, I seem to get my motivation from the darkness and grayness. When the normal Finn wants to move to the countryside in the spring, I tend to dream about that when the winter starts to creep in. At this time of the year, I also find our fridge filled with food (me, cooking!)... So weird. I have no idea what's turned my biology upside down :) Any suggestions?

Money Matters

2007-10-20T10:42:00.000+03:00

So, I wasn't too far off when I expressed my distrust towards the tax authorities back in the spring.

After adjusting the papers slightly, I now got the final verdict, in which the nice 250 Euros extra for Christmas turned out, once again, into over a hundred Euros owed :( I went to the tax office yesterday because I really couldn't understand how they came up with the new figures. Turns out that they messed up last year, and I should've paid the money already back then. So obviously there's nothing I can do; the only thing is that I'm really pissed at having to pay the tax twice for my 2007 income, rather than paying once for 2006 and once for 2007. Argh.

In any case, it seems that my life is revolving too much around money matters at the moment. Payments this way and that, calculating whether I can earn a bit more this year and so on. Too stressful. I should hire an accountant.

I'm a Man!(?)

2007-10-14T17:47:00.000+03:00

I'm reading Catharine Van Nostrand's book Gender-responsible Leadership (for a Tuesday exam, if I may point out). The book is pretty thick and repetitive, but there really is something worth glancing through for everyone. I think van Nostrand does a good job at raising people's awareness on (gender-sensitive) communication issues - not only good for leaders but for anybody who has to communicate with other people (apart from one particular example this would include every human being).

At first I had trouble relating to the writing - she does sometimes slide towards the edge of hating all mankind, for instance. Then I realized that the problem was not so much that I didn't agree with the importance of the issue, but rather that my personal reactions and responses in many situations are typical of men! I'm not afraid to speak up, I don't avoid (intellectual) confrontation, and I generally don't go out of my way to create a pleasant atmosphere ;) This, according to van Nostrand, is more typical of men than women.

My problem seems to be that I'm doing my bit as the "unusual" woman only half-heartedly. I'm always blurting out things without asking for permission to speak (another characteristic of boys in classroom) but when trouble comes my way, my first instinct is to cancel my statements and be amiable (the best I can). It does irritate the hell out of me, though. Because MOST of the time, I don't regret things I do or say. Sometimes, I admit, I'm a little abrupt but generally I don't feel like I sincerely want to apologize. So maybe there's that little bit of a well-socialized woman in me after all, feeling that I need to seek pleasant coexistence with everyone and not be a fierce opponent of just about anything.

In any case, I'd rather learn to keep my head cool in conflict situations rather than learn to avoid them altogether... Wonder how my kids'll turn out?

Seriously, read the book! It's a fast and enlightening read!

Heavy Music.

2007-09-27T19:49:00.000+03:00

Me and T went to see Symphony X and Dream Theater yesterday. In case you don't know, both play (in my opinion) rather heavy progressive metal. First time for me in their gig (or any such, apart from the Trans-Siberian Orchestra in Spokane).

Instead of actually focusing on the music, I spent my time observing the players and the audience.

- I had expected to stand out in a crowd of a) big "heavy guys" b) chicks in all-black clothes and gloomy make-up (and be about the only woman there anyway). In fact, there were definitely more women than I'd expected, and definitely less "dressing up". Some were even waring like smart suit jackets and stuff! Who would've thought?!

- Aren't people supposed to, like, start playing tango or something when they reach a certain age? These bands were funny, middle-aged dudes with their beer bellies, long hair and mean beards :) (Also noted: the Symphony X singer came on stage with remarkably shiny and smooth hair but after the first song it was all tangled.)

- Wonder what the Dream Theater drummer was trying to compensate for with the size of his drum set?!

- Also, it appears that the pianist secretly wanted to be the guitar-player. (He had this "guitar-style" keyboard that he hung around his neck)

- Also of interest was to observe the security confiscate a rather sizeable number of illegal cameras from the audience.

Restlessness

2007-09-26T17:59:00.000+03:00

The most recent Trendi magazine had a feature on people who, rather than programming their lives ambitiously and according to what makes sense, allow themselves to drift from place to place and eventually end up better off.

At the moment I seem to be falling somewhere in-between. You know, having half-consciously built a certain type of CV and then having second thoughts about everything. And now wondering whether it would be better to abandon the original plans and just jump into something different...

Better not say anything else, as my opinion changes at least every other day...

This Age

2007-09-14T21:35:00.001+03:00

I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: I’m probably living the best year(s) of my life so far. Never have I been this “serene” (how’s that for “seesteinen”?), so comfortable with (almost) everything. I guess it’s not so much being of certain age, but more so of being in a certain phase of life. You know, towards the end of your studies, optimistic about job prospects, stable relationships and all that.

Maybe that’s the thing, relationships. Me and T have been together close to 7 years. Who would have bet on us getting this far? No need to pretend – relationships started as teenagers don’t have that good odds. And who knows, maybe they’re still to play against us. But I think, I KNOW, we’ve done better than many others. And you know what? For the first time I’m not stressing. I’m not going through different scenarios, calculating the likeliness for a lifetime relationship. Because I know it isn’t about mathematics. From now on, it’s about the mutual WILL to make things work, shared hopes and values.

At “this age”, people around me are starting to get married. I’ve been waiting for that to happen, and recently the development has been fast! In just a few months, 3 couples have announced their engagement. But there’s one couple I’m particularly happy for. The first closer friend getting married is pretty exciting! And I’m happy this “teenage couple” has gotten to that place. At this point, I’m sure they too know that they’ll make it. Here’s to you, K and M!

Travel photos

2007-09-14T21:28:00.000+03:00

I've posted some photos at my Facebook profile. Look me up! (If you have an urge to see all hundreds of them, let me know and I'll send the link to the entire photo album.)

Last days

2007-08-31T17:54:00.001+03:00

We're in Lérida (Lleida), on our way back to Barcelona. After the previous post, we've been to Cadaqués (Dalí's house and beach life) and Andorra (mountains and tax-free shopping).

Traffic in Andorra was even more confusing than in Spain (that's what you get when you combine the best of Spain and France, said T). One of the local specialities included a "two-way lane" that worked as a bus lane (either way) or as a regular lane, depending on what the light sign above said... Another favorite is the "traffic peanut" (cf. roundabout).

Andorra is also a conveniently compact country. It's fair to say that we saw most of the country in one day ;) The best part was driving up to (another) skiing center, where we took the lift up and hiked up some more, reaching 2702 meters! Nice place for a picnic... Also saw some eagles right above our heads. The hike down the mountain was rather demanding but satisfying.

This has been a really strange vacation (weather-wise). About half of the days extremely hot, and the rest unreasonably chilly. Good thing, though, that the rain stopped after the first couple of days and we've remained dry.

So back to Barcelona next, hope to avoid being robbed again...

Barcelona

2007-08-26T19:26:00.000+03:00

Fresh from having an experience of stupidity --> robbery. The five of us were sittin on a park bench, chilling, when a guy came up to us "asking for directions". Stupidly, I dug out my map and started looking for the street, the 4 others participating. (When the guy came up, I had a couple of Euros in my hand and told T to take them and watch out for our bags.) When he left (having not figured where he wanted to go), our friend noticed that his camera was gone. Although that was only a few minutes later, there wasn't really anything we could do. The guy was totally average looking and so on, and though we saw which way he went, he must have had a companion who took the camera and went to the other direction. The biggest loss is obviously the friend's photos, not the camera itself. And the humiliation of falling into that (albeit being suspicious of him). And the fact that I have experienced this before, in the same city!

Otherwise, it's been a good couple of days. I'm liking the city a whole lot more than the last time (when I had a fever and a toothache...). No idea where we're off tomorrow!

Ain't no sunshine...

2007-08-21T19:07:00.000+03:00

... though it hasn't rained too bad since Sunday. Yesterday and today we've made mountain excursions, to Vallter 2000 and Val de Nuria skiing centers. Both are up at 2km and the temperature dropped down to 9 degrees!! Today we gave up and bought jackets to keep the wind and rain at a distance. Especially the Val de Nuria trip was really cool with an ancient railway going up the mountain etc.

***

We're still bravely camping despite the uninviting weather. I have to say that the others are quite a bit more "hardcore" in terms of their equipment. For instance, this one family had a tent with a sizable "living room" and three separate spaces for sleeping! Maybe it would make sense to buy a plot of land in Jollas with a sea view and just set up a tent there to get rid of the apartment problems? We, on the other hand, only have the small tent and a little flashlight, so when it gets dark at night (before 9pm.) we generally just try to sleep... A really wild vacation, eh? ;)

One more thing: I always thought it was a Finnish thing to switch to shorts the second your vacation starts, regardless of the weather. However, Spaniards really master this. They wear those fluffy winter coats during the relatively mild winter months, yet now walk around in shorts and miniskirts (the temperatures are probably about the same).

Rain in Spain

2007-08-19T18:20:00.000+03:00

How's that possible? It's been raining all day long. Good thing we have the car, obviously. Tonight should be interesting with the tent and sleeping bags that are getting thoroughly soaked at the moment...

Finding a camping was not altogether easy in the first place. First site we checked did not quite look like the "excellent amenities" promised by the guidebook. The second no longer existed. The third is quite nice, except for the humidity of course.

Our neighbors at the camping have two dogs, they seem to be happy to sleep outside. On the other hand, the owners did put up a marquee about the size of your average urban patio next to their smallish 2-person tent... We are definitely roughing it up, sitting on the ground etc. Not much cooking going on either, since we couldn't find any fuel for the Trangia. Now we got some skin-cleaning (?) alcohol, let's see if it's any good.

So we've been village-hopping for two days since it's so easy with the car. Girona yesterday, Besalú, Olot, Castellfollit and Figueres today. These all are really close to each other, but probably wouldn't have gotten around to seeing them without the car, since bus services usually aren't that frequent.

People are happier to speak Spanish than I feared. Although T almost ended up hungry at a restaurant because the poor waiter didn't understand me ordering the menu twice :D Trying to speak English is not much use here, except at the Barcelona airport.

Let's see where we'll end up tomorrow, they're forecasting more rain... :S

- S&T

The Art of Potter

2007-08-15T17:34:00.000+03:00

What is it about the Potter books that fascinate so many people - myself included? Now that the last (latest) book came out, I notice that most of my friends aren't interested. I didn't rush to buy the book either but I got around to reading it, I couldn't stop.

For one thing, I guess it's just simple nostalgy. I would've loved the books when I was 10 or so :) The magical world within the Muggle world, the school and all that.

But I don't think nostalgy is enough for taking me through 7 books, hundreds of pages each! It just suddenly came to me that Rowling has something special in the way she describes emotions, especially negative feelings. Usually emotions are portrayed as what is seen from the outside, as in "He seemed angry." But Rowling really manages to capture the essence of those moments when you just feel like you're going to explode and when you actually want to punch someone. (I do hope other people get that urge sometimes, too. I mean, seriously imagining hitting someone.)

Also, quite apart from most child-oriented literature, Rowling doesn't have that irritating habit of teaching lessons in the most straightforward way. Of course, the morale pops up here and there, even verbalized (especially by Dumbledore) but the messages are more complex than "Good shall conquer bad."

Ps. Was Snape really a good guy that did bad things for love or a bad guy who agreed to pose as good for the same reason?

I hate packing!

2007-08-13T21:32:00.000+03:00

And I seem to start fretting about it earlier and earlier. Four days to go and I'm feeling panicky. At this point I always feel like backing out of all travel plans. I hate the trouble of deciding what to take with me, the packing itself, and especially the part where you keep wondering whether you took everything you need.

Yes, I know, I don't travel to places where you couldn't buy whatever you left at home (and more) but still, it's just so nervewracking!

And I'm real lousy at packing. How can it be that my clothes, for instance, are physically smaller than T's but take up more space? I start to sweat just by looking at the pile of clothes and thinking that I should manage to roll them into nice tight bunches.

This strong dislike towards the act of packing does not mean that I wouldn't have an equally strong urge to "pre-pack" (this, of course, in addition to making a detailed list on everything). No point in it, really, because usually three things happen: a) I decide that the sleeping bag/the mattress/the pillow/the extra pair of shoes doesn't need to fit IN the backpack, I can always strap it outside, b) T ends up packing the rest of the stuff c) I've forgotten half of the things I need from the "pre-packing" and have to arrange it all over again anyway.

Have I ever forgotten anything of "vital" importance? No, not really. Well, nail clippers... I had to buy a really crappy pair in Salzburg that time.

ps. I've bee led to believe that there are actual real people who read this blog, so please leave a sign ;)

Semi-serious apartment hunting

2007-08-05T20:24:00.000+03:00

Would you rent a 20-square-meter apartment for 450€ with shower in a different building?

How about one that you'd be required to move in to within 3 days, pay that month's rent (900€) AND a 1800-Euro-fee AND the rent for your previous apartment (since it's probably not going to happen that you could move away with 2-days' notice)?

Well, welcome to Helsinki real estate business. Apparently the rental business is very hot now (because those who owned apartments started selling them a year or two ago because the sale prices were ridiculously high - now that the loan interests are going up, people are suddenly wanting to rent again). Dozens of people show up for open house and try bid against each other to get the apartment.

It's starting to seem very appealing to continue studies forever, just to keep this student apartment, not-quite-perfect as it is.

Random

2007-07-31T20:18:00.000+03:00

It’s honestly not worthwhile postponing the decision to buy something. I found a fabulous bag and decided to hint to T on my upcoming birthday. Went to the store to show it to him, and there were none left. I was told there wouldn’t be any. So yesterday I bought another one instead. Today I passed through the store, and what do we have there? The exact bag I wanted in the first place! Good thing I hadn’t used the other one yet so I can return it. But still, all the fuzz…

***

I look out the window at the rain and stormy wind and can’t believe it’s only July 31^st. It smells of autumn too! Since I’ve been working the whole summer, the relatively *humid* weather hasn’t really bothered me, though. But I guess it’s going to be hard getting adjusted to the Spanish heat in a couple of weeks? Last summer it was different. The awful heat throughout the summer made me get used to it and Italy, even Rome, was nothing.

***

I love seeing the tourists around Helsinki. It’s fun listening to them talking, speculating about people and the sights :) Also plenty of Finnish tourists. It reminds me of not taking my surroundings for granted. This young girl exclaimed in the tram that “I’ve only seen such big ships in my dreams,” when sighting the Silja Line cruise ship to Stockholm.

What wouldn't one do for a few (Estonian) huckleberries?

2007-07-10T16:26:00.001+03:00

I bought a litre of Estonian huckleberries yesterday. They were probably a bit on the expensive side, 4 Euros, but on the other hand, you do get quite a few berries in a litre. When I got home, I realized they smelled a little funny, like they were already fermenting or something. Some of them tasted alright whereas others had a really funny taste. What would the average person do?
- take them back to the store. (Too much trouble.)
- eat them anyway. (Didn't taste too good. What if I get foodpoisoning or something?)
- throw them away. (That's really not something a person like me does.)

So I start handpicking the good ones separate from the bad ones! :D Of the half a litre I went through, maybe two thirds passed my strict selection criteria. After the procedure I rinsed (!) the berries with cold water. And they taste just nice! But still, I decided to throw the other .5 litres away. Now I kind of regret that. I could easily sort through them as well.

Another good thing, apart from having some goodies to go with my muesli, rinsing the berries removed the annoying blue color that makes milk all gross. Unfortunately, the color sticks rather nicely in my fingers and under my nails.

Next time, though, I'm going to go and pick the damn berries by myself. It's still less trouble than this...

Really a sportswoman after all?

2007-07-04T20:25:00.000+03:00

Who would’ve thought that I, of all persons, would have sports-related problems dating back to childhood? Considering that I always thought (as a child and looking back) that I was unathletic, hated school PE and was even sort of clumsy!

I went to see a physiotherapist today about foot/leg problems I’ve been having, thinking they have to do with the past couple of years’ increased amount of physical exercise. But after I mentioned that “Well, yeah, I’ve played the violin actively for about 15 years and danced ballet for 7 years,” he went “well, THAT figures.” :D According to him, my joints are of a (rare?) type that is very sensitive and the kind of “forming” required in ballet (and playing the violin) have caused some damage… Apparently he found me quite challenging… But already started working, pointing out that even my stomach muscles are “horribly tight” – not meaning in good shape ;)

Anyway, he already managed to get something going in the foot too, and hopefully a few more meetings will get things even further. As for my weight (which my previous doctor told me to start losing…), he said that it’s better to be a few kilos overweight than to go back and forth (which I also seem to be doing). Also, he told me to start working out with lower intensity but longer periods of time. This, he admitted, would be difficult since “usually ballet dancers and violinists are the worst type – it usually doesn’t look like they enjoy exercising,” meaning that they (we) tend to strive for a 110 per cent even with the risk of damage. Well, I have to say that too kind of hit home…

So some learning to do there!

Finland is now closed (?)

2007-07-02T14:34:00.000+03:00

It was funny cycling to work this morning. The normal never-ending stream of cars had a visible beginning and ending. When the traffic lights were red there seemed to be no noise what-so-ever. Finland is on vacation.

At this time of the year, it's easy to find a topic for a bit of chit-chat with people at work. "So, when's your holiday?", "Are you going to take all days off at once?", "Are you traveling somewhere?", "It seems the weather's going to be ok." I think these conversations are especially fulfilling with a temporary worker like me who's there when everyone else is off and takes her holiday without pay... I don't mind, but man, it's going to feel nice the first time I have a real, paid summer holiday!

Also, now that the average Helsinkian is off to his summer house, the tourists have taken over Helsinki. You hear more English and German than Finnish in the main tourist areas. It's fun, really, except when you have to ride your bike through the Market Square. People getting on your way from each direction, stopping without warning and all that. I can tolerate the foreigners, they're probably not used to bike lanes but the Finns really irritate me. I could give a lecture on how behave in the traffic. *grin*

I'm ok.

2007-06-10T00:09:00.000+03:00

I wonder: is the concept of Finnish politeness changing? We've usually taken pride in being honest (blunt) people. It is totally acceptable to reply "I'm not too great today" to "How are you". But lately, I've noticed I've started to reply "I'm ok" even though in fact I've been practically on the top of the world for the past couple of weeks. I wouldn't wish to lose my ability to be straightforward (though it is a little frightening when, after knowing a person for only a few hours, they ask you for "an honest opinion since you always speak your mind"!).

On the other hand, maybe it's more about the very Finnish way of not bragging. "Tears from a lot of laughter" is definitely a Finnish rule-of-thumb... Similarly we seem to put special importance to sports and other events that we're relatively bad at: soccer, icehockey, formula1, Eurovision. Losing becomes a matter of national unity. The occasional victory makes us confused but soon we say "well, that just proved the point".

Oh joy. It's interesting to see oneself living up to some of these stereotypical characteristics.

Fit in. Stand out.

2007-06-07T23:14:00.000+03:00

I finally placed an order for an iPod. As usual, I went for “style before purpose”. Features aren’t that important, as long as the thing looks good :) So, I chose the “buy-a-clean-conscience” model. It’s red, you see!

On the other hand, choosing the looks wasn’t all that difficult (although it did cross my mind how well the red iPod would go with my average clothes). I hit a stalemate when trying to come up with something clever to engrave on the back of my new toy. Obviously, I’m not the first one. Do a little googling and you’ll see that many people have had the same problem. Should you go for something funny (that you’ll find dull by the time the package arrives at your door), something profound (with the risk of sounding pathetic) or something useful (like difficult dates)?

Lucky that I am, I have the Man who’s always willing to spend time on tasks like this. We searched the web and played with words, and managed to come up with a few nice ideas. None of them are unique thoughts, of course (my philosophy teacher once said that his goal on every course was to have students come up with a thought that no one had ever thought of before). Nevertheless, here they are:

Time is precious. Do nothing. (Buddha)
I’m different, just like everybody else.
Fit in. Stand out.
1,000 reasons to ignore my boyfriend.
Tyyli ennen tarkoitusta [Style before purpose.]

Now, the first one is obviously the attempt to be profound. It’s sort of funny too. The next is, well, funny and profound too, but maybe also a little worn out (“all different, all equal” used to be a big campaign in Finland when I was a kid). The third was my idea (also the name of a book, it seems). This one does capture the essence of my daily life – how to not draw attention to myself from the wrong people while attracting others. The fourth is simply amusing. And the last, well, I already explained that.

I went for “Fit in. Stand out.” I hope its value lasts, at least until next week when I get my baby :)

SUMMER!

2007-05-30T22:19:00.000+03:00

Or at least almost... Yesterday I really felt it for the first time - the warmth, the sheer joy of being on a vacation of sorts.

That doesn't mean, of course, that I couldn't at the same time be planning for next fall already (my friends think I'm crazy, which is quite understandable). I really did put together a preliminary schedule for my courses... I must be out of my mind. But I like being organized. I'm just a bit weird that way.

I think I'm experiencing some kind of hyperactivity disorder at the moment. Everything seems so great and thrilling that I'm not sure if it's even possible! There seriously can't be this good friends, this interesting things to study, this wonderful people in general - soon somebody's gonna come and tell me I've been dreaming the whole time...

The Joy of Networking

2007-05-26T20:11:00.000+03:00

It’s incredible how much satisfaction one can get from meeting new people. Especially ones that (seem to) take you seriously and are interested in you and your opinions ;) I’ve again had the chance to get to know wonderful people, share ideas (and a few drinks) and find myself completely “at home”. This was the University of Tampere North American Studies conference. It was amazing to connect with people from all over the world and be able to find a common language (figuratively speaking, since English wasn’t exactly an issue).

Yes, it does boost a young undergraduate’s confidence to have “older” scholars get interested in her work and ideas (and maybe even in the actual person ;) .

Leaves of Grass

2007-05-14T23:06:00.000+03:00

Someone I know lost her child. He was just over a year old. Their first, only one. The doctors found a brain tumor and a few hours later, he was already gone. He was truly just in the beginning of his life. Learning to walk, his firsts in everything.

There are no words. I can’t even begin to understand. But maybe that’s nature’s way of making sure people still want to have children after such experiences? If I could live their pain, I’m not sure I could ever have the courage to have children of my own. Or does the joy of parenthood surpass the grief of loss, at least after some time goes by?

This poem by Walt Whitman greatly consoles me, even on a day like this when it all does seem so unfair.

“I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love,/
If you want me look for me under your boot-soles./
--- Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,/
I stop somewhere waiting for you.”

So that's what it was...

2007-05-06T13:05:00.000+03:00

... that restlessness, the energetic yet slightly depressed feeling: the Flu. Come on, I never get sick like this! It's my thing to be on-and-off sick for weeks before actually catching a cold. And now, all of a sudden I have a fever :( This sucks. The weirdest thing though - mentally, I still feel very energetic, it's just that staying up too long makes me feel dizzy.

Spring in the air

2007-05-02T23:26:00.000+03:00

Now I think it's truly here. Spring! Apart from the longer hours of daylight, you know it from the feeling inside you. You’re full of energy and excited about all kinds of things but can’t concentrate on anything.

I have several exciting projects that I’m looking forward to but just can’t really focus. Even writing this seems to be a challenge of sorts. Some newspaper wrote an article about people who hate spring because of this feeling. I can sort of sympathize them but on the other hand, I don’t remember the last time I felt this alive!

I’m pretty much the most beautiful person there is :)

Tell Me How to Make up My Mind

2007-04-29T16:07:00.000+03:00

How did this happen? I had it all figured out. Finish my English studies next year, get out of the university, work as a translator or some such thing. And now I’m back to square one (or beyond), and wondering what to do with my life.

In the last few days I’ve had the chance to meet some young scholars, and I really enjoyed their company and insights. Maybe they didn’t want to discourage me, but nevertheless they seemed reasonably optimistic about their future prospects. More importantly, they took me seriously, and encouraged me to pursue my interests.

So here I am, thinking that I should draft a revised plan for the near future. It’s hard though, since I’d already “established” that I’m going to graduate in a year. Would I have regrets if I didn’t go through with it? Probably. Maybe this could be the way to express my apparent teacher qualities? Continuing studies in history and becoming a university lecturer? In any case, it’s certain that one more year of university will definitely not harm me, no matter what I decide to do next.

So here we go again.

Can irritation kill?

2007-04-18T22:43:00.000+03:00

That’s pretty much what a famous Finnish politician once said when, yet again, somebody had taken away a position that was “rightfully his”. Yeah well, maybe you’re not that smart and maybe you should just retire? Oh no, I’ll be gone twelve years, try to preach anti-EU politics in the European Parliament and then return to Finland to demand a high political office. Yeah well, maybe no one’s going to give a s*it about that? No, wrong again, I’m now Finland’s Minister of Foreign Trade and Development! What the f*ck?!

Pardon my French. I'm just so pissed off at some of the choices for the new government. I can’t believe that the government negotiations, where the mantra seemed to be “dynamic, innovative Finland”, have now ended in the selection of two thousand-year-old, conservative, practically mono-lingual men as Minister for Foreign Affairs and Minister for Foreign Trade and Development! It seems that we want to draw the attention of the tabloid press to us with a ladies man and the old fart.

(I was planning to row to Sweden with my colleague but apparently we still have too much work to do in reporting all this.)

***

On another note, I’ve been “improving my CV” by engaging in extracurricular activities. In fact, it will be useful, probably both on paper and in practice. How many 24-year-olds have been responsible for recruitment of a new “employee”, sorting through some 20 applications, planning the selection, conducting interviews and sitting in the committee that picks the new “employee”? In addition, I’m also learning diplomacy (at least on the phone where you can make all kinds of faces while sounding all pleasant and understanding :D ) which shouldn't hurt me...

Excitement to dull days?

2007-04-11T11:53:00.000+03:00

You see the big envelope that says ”Vero” (Tax). Your pulse begins to rise and you feel nauseous. You tear the envelope open, shuffle through the papers, looking for that certain page. Do you get to exhale with a sigh of relief or is your day ruined? Do you get that liberating sensation of knowing that, next Christmas, you’ll have something extra for presents? Or do you have to start planning not only how to buy those Christmas presents but also how to pay for your extra taxes?

The “extra tax” section of the letter is always with a larger print. Quick look – nothing there. What a relief! Then some more shuffling – did I end up with zero this year? No, in fact, this time I get a not-too-bad sum back!

I don’t care if economists say that extra taxes are more profitable for the tax payer (loan from the state with low interest rate) than tax returns (loan to the state with low interest rate). For me it’s impossible to anticipate the taxation (and I have a permanent distrust towards the taxation authority :D ) and therefore I definitely prefer it this way. And what’s with the December pay-date anyway? Just pure torture…

Making progress with the master's thesis!

2007-04-03T22:45:00.000+03:00

I went to have a chat with the supervisor-to-be. Unlike the average university lecturer, he was really helpful! Instead of saying "I think you can go with that" to all my suggestions, he actuallly gave me really straightforward ideas on where to go. So I'm probably going to choose two Japanese-American novels and go from there. I actually already bought one of the books! I'm really excited. All I have to do now is to get rid of the proseminar first before I can get to the new project...

Anxiety

2007-04-02T22:15:00.000+03:00

Just posting this to get rid of a strange kind of anxiety I've been having for the past two days. Well, it really comes and goes but it's somehow physical. Just get this sudden sense of being upset about something but can't really exactly figure out why. Just kind of a "well, f*ck you too" sensation. I think I'm too tired. I should probably go to bed. I'm alright.

April Fool's Day

2007-04-01T17:14:00.000+03:00

I don't think I've fallen for any tricks :)

We're suddenly living by a lake. That's right. Whereas we used to have some 2km to the sea shore (no beach, unfortunately), we now also have a little lake about 1km from the house. It's all idyllic with glistening water and seagulls having a bath. Too bad it's actually just a field. Don't know how deep it is either but looks all glorious. I bet the field owner doesn't feel the same way, though. The lake's appeared before but it's never been this big (and nice looking). Last winter, the same field functioned as a skating "arena"... I wonder what this does to the soil - does it grow better or worse?

Oh yeah, and this story is true ;) I'll try to download a photo for proof.
***

Another couple is moving out of the house (I hope we don't make too much noise :D ). Makes me hope we'd get to move to some nicer place too. I bet these two bought an apartment of their own (the guy's a pilot). He was in my high school, and all these 3 years we lived in the same building and never said a word to each other! (He'd changed so much since high school that it took me like 2 years to even realise who he was and then we just didn't actually see each other ever. We're not exactly neighbor-friendly in this building!)

Signs of spring

2007-03-14T20:18:00.000+02:00

It's not the warmth, the melting snow, the sun or the longer periods of daylight. What really gets me in the spring mood is the shrieking of the seagulls! I know many (city) people hate those creatures but not me, I just love them :) I’m just essentially a sea girl I guess… This is also the time of the year I wish I were living somewhere more central. The downtown streets are cleaned off of sand much faster than the suburbs and there’re tons of people outside…

"When I'm [insert age]..."

2007-02-22T18:47:00.000+02:00

A friend of mine turned thirty. It got me thinking about age. I’ve always been one to make fun of age – usually of my “juniority” or seniority to someone else. I know some people get offended; they either interpret it as me thinking they’re too old or too childish. That’s not it, really. Age makes very little difference to me (well, at least it makes very little difference if someone’s older than me. I tend to get “racist” in relation to a lot younger people…). Essentially, I don’t think I’ve changed at all in the past 10 years :) When I think back at myself at for instance 13 (that’s 12 years ago!!), I felt like I was all grown up. It doesn’t seem like I’d changed that much. I mean, my core values are the same; I enjoy pretty much the same things I did back then etc. Sure, I have a slightly ampler perspective on the world but I’m really quite stubborn in my thoughts and likings. But now, when I think of 13-year-olds, I think they’re just babies. Or the 16-year-olds at the Idols contest – I totally think they’re too young to participate. (And then again, the day before I turned sixteen, I traveled practically by myself to the US to live with a strange family for a year…)

I know that in many things, these five years that separate me from the 30-year-old can be a lot. (She claims she has wrinkles :D Obviously they aren’t visible to the naked eye.) But really, many of the things don’t have anything to do with age, per se. They have more to do with personality. I also have some friends at the university who are in their 40s or 50s, and when I compare them to some colleagues it seems that these students are at least 20 years younger!

I can’t really imagine myself at thirty or forty. Not that I ever thought that was old, or that I had some kind of an aging crisis. It’s just that I can quite well plan what I want to do etc. but I can’t really imagine being any different. I guess I don’t have to (be or plan to be). One blogger talked about this a little while ago. Someone in the comments pointed out that it feels so weird being twenty-something and your colleagues asking for your opinion about something. “What? You think I know something?!” That’s exactly how I feel. “One day they’ll notice I’m completely clueless.” Awesome! :)

PS. Ou-mai-gaad. I got home at 5.30pm and it wasn’t dark yet!!!!!!

What am I good at?

2007-02-18T22:13:00.000+02:00

In this sudden spurge of energy, I’ve today drafted some plans for the future (nothing like the “five-year plan” I desire but at least something), mostly related to studying. I’m getting all psyched at the prospect of graduating in May 2008 – I even got Timo to check his courses and it seems we might finish together! And then – we’ll treat ourselves to a month in America!

Now it’s mostly just the question of the thesis topic. I’ve been going back and forth. For quite some time I was sure I need to do something related to translation. I was especially excited about studying song translations. It’s still a tempting topic, and while I work with translation and know it in that way, I’m not sure I have enough competence (and capacity of learning…) to start writing on such a new topic. I mean, I don’t have much methodological skills or anything.

Besides, I’ve studied North America so much, both here in Helsinki as well as in Idaho. I feel that is a field where I already have some level of expertise. I’m especially fond of the Pacific Northwest. If I’d only known how many Finns have moved there over the years – I would’ve definitely spent some time researching the topic while I was there! Anyway, my current options on the PNW now lean towards literature – who would have ever thought me writing a thesis on a literary topic?! :) Well, the ideas I’m weighing are more inclined towards presentations of history, maybe ethnicity/otherness, so not exactly hard-core literary analysis. Obviously, I don’t have that much methodological competence in that field either but at least I know it’s not too difficult to come by good teachers for a literary topic.

But then again… Song translations would be such an entertaining topic! Not sure it would be enough to get me through a whole year of hard work? Hmm. I actually think I’m pretty excited about this literary topic.. thoughtling (you know, the diminutive of an actual, full-scale thought…) – just somebody tell me where to start!

New Beginning and Language Identity

2007-02-17T13:54:00.000+02:00

So it’s been ”a while”. I’ve tried a few other blogs (strictly focusing on a certain project), thinking that this one’s too hard to continue as it was so focused on my months in Idaho.

I also tried writing in Finnish but it doesn’t seem too natural. It’s hard to figure out why. I feel very passionate about my mother tongue – I once said that I’d do anything to make sure that my children or grandchildren wouldn’t become English-speaking. While I love English and the globalizing world (in this context strictly in the sense that I get to speak English), at the same time I’m insanely jealous about Finnish and the fact that it’s inevitably changing.

So how is it that I’m still writing in English? Maybe it’s simply the fact that my Finnish never manages to sound “good” enough. Not witty enough, not sophisticated enough, or whatever it is that I’m looking for. English, on the other hand, is “easier”. Of course I recognize bad English when I see it but maybe it’s just that much harder to spot the nuance between “perfectly adequate” and “brilliant” language use. I know I fall under the category of “perfectly adequate” which is just fine in English, but in Finnish I seem to have the need to be “brilliant”.

I don’t think being a “brilliant” language user comes only from knowing the language. I know I have an extremely versatile vocabulary, I’ve read a lot and I definitely know my grammar. Of course it’s partly about the experience one has as a writer but also, I think, one’s identity. Others are better at expressing themselves in writing? Maybe I’m just better off thinking my thoughts without trying to express them at all? LOL :D (Seriously, sometimes I think my thoughts and my speech don’t match – it happens so often that people seem to understand what I’m saying completely differently from what I think I’m saying. See, there it is again, I’m good at expressing myself in my thoughts.)

Anyway, I thought I’d give my writing another try, both because it’s so fashionable and also because right now I feel so energetic that I’m certain great ideas and visions are awaiting around the corner for me to record them here and lose them in the realms of the World Wide Web forever…

Snow!

2005-12-06T09:27:00.000+02:00

So, it's been snowing for a week. Well, of course not snowing the entire time, but almost every day. There's a whole bunch of it on the ground (like 10 centimeters?). I can't believe it hasn't melted away! Anyway, I've made plenty of interesting observations about snow in this cultural context.

1. Finnish people either take themselves too seriously or are much more used to snow than these kids here. They have snow fights, go sledging, walk around their tongue sticking out catching the flakes. I mean, the university students!

2. You have to be born to slippery conditions (like Finland, where snow and ice come every year and even in "bad" years stay for months) to learn how to walk on ice. No matter what these people wear, they keep falling.

3. These people can't drive in snow. No matter that it snows every year reasonably good amounts. They put snow chains on even before the snow hits the ground. They freak out on the prospect of having to drive somewhere. Teachers genuinely seem worried about their students driving home for the weekend. (Although, today I heard a sad story of a local student who got killed when she was hit by a car when she was jogging [in the dark in dark clothes, though, but still])

4. University rules prohibit sledging and all other activities of leisurely going down hills on campus.

5. Police prohibits snow fights. If caught, you can be charged with assault.

PS. There's less than two weeks left of the semester! Can't believe it! Glad to go but somehow it seems that some things were just getting started.

"Second" generation

2005-11-17T01:28:00.000+02:00

I've been thinking about this notion of generations a lot lately. First, I had to write an essay comparing two autobiographies in which, ultimately, the biggest issue was that the author's belonged to a second generation; one was born to an Indian reservation and the other to Japanese immigrant parents. Thinking about their struggle for their identities, I also started thinking about the situation in Finland. We are right now in the stage, where our immigrant youth are born in Finland - it is their only home country - but their parents are often still very attached to their old home countries. Right now would be the moment to do something about it, to prevent or at least ease the clash of generations. Our moment to avoid the situation of France!

My title is in quotes because I also talked with my Nez Perce friend about the fate of Indian cultures - and the fate of the world overall. He said that in the end of the 1800s, during a time when a lot of Indian wars were fought and the last free tribes forced to reservation, a Nez Perce (?) chief had said that after seven generations there will be a generation to make it all right. And that's us! He might have been talking about the Indians - this 8th generation reviving the culture, correcting past mistakes - but it could also well extend to all of us. It makes me wonder - is there really a chance for peaceful relations? Nevertheless, the Indian youth seem to be doing their task. Their parents' generation was the first that was not widely taught to speak the Native languages. Now this young generation sees the loss and tries to make up for the lost time, tries to recapture the knowledge that is fast disappearing as the elders pass away. I think we can see the phenomenon also in the Sami cultures - it is no longer prohibited to speak the native languages, it is not a shame to be bicultural.

I know I sound idealistic but I really do hope that these ancient languages and cultures will be restored. (Says she, a member of a relatively small nation, speaker of a language that some people say is threatened to disappear, writing her blog entry in English ;)

Powwow

2005-10-30T01:59:00.000+02:00

This week has altogether been englightening in terms of Native American traditions. Today I went to see the Nez Perce tribe's powwow wchih was at the football arena on campus (I guess a somewhat smaller place would have offered a more intime experience but this was nice too). I really enjoyed the ceremony of Grand Entry, in which all the dancers and singers enter the grounds. They were all very nicely dressed, some with quite some traces of modern culture in their traditional-style outfits. I think closest I've ever gotten to a feeling of spirituality has been the three times this week that I have been privileged to hear the prayer with which they started. It is in a form of a kind of a chant which in my opinion resembles that of the Sami people of Lapland. There are no words, and I think the purpose of this chant is to create a proper state of mind for their religious practice. After the opening ceremonies they had dance competitions for different groups. The "tiny tots" were incredibly cute, some of them couldn't even walk without help yet.

In fact, the greates thing about having been able to get to know Nez Perce culture has been to see that they have such a large group of youth learning about the traditions and wanting to keep this culture and language alive. In addition to the dancers, there were very young boys (as well as guys my age) in the traditional drum groups. In a way, knowing the romanticized, traditional picture about Native Americans, it feels funny to see them in their traditional outfits, but warming themselves with a basketball jacket. On the other hand, it is good to see that some traditions have survived, and that the culture is capable of transforming, meeting the requirements of the present day. As far as I know, there are currently only about 30 elders (?) who speak Nez Perce as their language but hopefully this new generation will revive this beautiful language and it will stay among the living languages at least a while longer.

Se hämmästyttää, kummastuttaa...

2005-10-29T04:06:00.000+02:00

Vaihteeksi kokeillaan äidinkieltä. Miltä tuntuu... Ja ihan varmuuden vuoksi ;)

(Tämän tekstin pohdinnat koskevat vain konservatiivisen osavaltion pikkukaupunkilaisia - ja niitäkin yleistäen. Ehkä... Sattuuko tätä lukemaan joku, jolla olisi kommenttia asiaan?)

Minulla on nyt teoria. Se on ehkä vahvaa yleistystä, mikä on äärimmäisen kiellettyä eikä kukaan muu koskaan moiseen sorru. :D Amerikkalaiset ovat hyviä hoitamaan oireita puuttumatta vaivan syihin. Lähtien siitä, että kauppa on täynnä vatsalääkkeitä ja joka kolmas mainos kertoo, että nyt voit vihdoin päästä eroon ilmavaivoista, mutta kukaan ei mieti, miksi ilmeisen monella on jatkuvasti vatsa ns. kuralla. Sodat ovat ikäviä. Ratkaistaan asia sillä, että kielletään kaikkia maita ylläpitämästä asevoimia (I Maailmansodan jälkeen). Diktatuurit ovat pahasta. Syöstään diktaattorit vallasta ja maa muuttuu kuin itsestään harmoniseksi demokratiaksi (Irak). Jne. Jne. ... ...

Nuoriso täällä noin niinkuin jälleen törkeästi yleistäen tuntuu hyvin osaavan kritisoida menneitä virheitä. Hymähdellään takavuosien politiikalle istuttaa lisää kaloja kun alkavat olla vähissä (sen sijaan, että puututtaisi liikakalastukseen ja muihin ympäristöongelmiin) ja kauhistellaan idealistista ja naiivia maailmanpolitiikkaa. Vaan ei mitenkään nähdä minkäänlaista jatkumoa näissä ajattelumalleissa.

Pidetään omaa maata valtavan luontoystävällisenä kun on oikein omistettu alueita, jotka pidetään "luonnontilassa", ilman turismia tai muuta taloudellista hyväksikäyttöä ("maan annetaan olla rauhassa vaatimatta siltä mitään"). Pidetään naapurimaata melkein luonnon vihaajana kun ei ole vastaavaa käytäntöä (ehkä minä suomalaisena samaistun tuohon pohjoiseen metsäiseen naapuriin.. ;)

Tämän olen oppinut: demokraattejakin äänestävä amerikkalainen (pikkukaupunkilainen) on aikas konservatiivinen. Aikaisemmin ajattelin, että he olisivat jotenkin "räikeämmin" erilaisia. Not so.

Portland

2005-10-25T07:43:00.000+02:00

It's been a long time! Nothing much has really happened, I've been quite busy.

Last weekend me and Timo took a well-earned break from studying (and being social..) and traveled to Portland, Oregon. We rented a car, cheapest and smallest, which turned out to be a 2006 Subaru outback thingie, with a roof window and everything :) No, of course I don't want my own car. Ever.

The drive was long, and there was plenty of country music available on the radio. We didn't make one wrong turn, and made it to Portland in 6 hours. Didn't have much energy on Friday night, so just grabbed some dinner and relaxed. (Had a real hotel room by the way, I don't think I've ever before paid an actual hotel for myself. All hostels were full... The hotel was nice, though very basic. The shower was really good after the stupid ones here at the hall!)

On Saturday we walked around the city (downtown is surprisingly small), went to the Portland Saturday market which had kind of an "alternative" air to it with hippie clothes and incence. Took a walk along the river, couldn't find a bench to sit down as all were taken by homeless guys enjoying the warm and sunny fall weather.

Then we decided to drive our car to a big mall near downtown, and did some shopping :)

And the evening was really the best thing! We found an excellent Italian restaurant ("Pazzo"), slightly expensive but on the other hand quite perfect, starting from the olive oil that we sprinkled on our bread. Had some incredible wine as well. For dessert drinks we went to Portland City Grill, which is located on the 30th floor with beautiful views of the city lights. It was crowded of course, but quite an experience (plus their drinks with some liquor?, fresh strawberries and champagne were quite delicious). Felt very posh etc. :)

On the way back to Moscow on Sunday we stopped at some beautiful views of the Columbia river, as well as waterfalls.

It was overall really good to be in a big city. You know, multicultural (yes, there are lots of foreign students in this university but "quite" not the same), somehow more (politically, culturally) aware -seeming people, public transportation, choice of foods... But well, the small town is the true American experience that I came here for. I'm getting what I wanted ;)

Football

2005-09-25T23:36:00.000+03:00

I've tried to watch one game of American football before yesterday's experience. Didn't get much out of it, but at least it was soon over. Since I'm here, I decided that I have to give it another try. After an hour and a half the game was halfway through. We left the arena to go have a glass of wine at a friend's room :) This time I got a sense of what was going on but most of the time I couldn't see where the ball was. And why did those guys just jump on each other even though the ball was in the other end of the field? (Well, most of the time the ball stayed on one end of the field- the one where it shouldn't have, from the point of view of "us Vandal fans".) Anyway, we decided that this is a good activity for hyperactive Americans. Cheerleaders, marching band, advertisements, cheerful music all going on at once. Might not go see the next game ;)

Yesterday we also went picking some apples, which was kind of nice. The views driving up to Garfield, WA were pretty (yes, still mostly wheat fields) and the apples tasted good. There's still only so much a person can eat... We also pressed some of our own "apple cider" (that's what they call apple juice here, hard cider is the kind with alcohol, very rare here) which we heated this morning to get rid of possible germs. It smells really good and reminds me of childhood.

It's weird to look at the trees changing color here. During the day the temperature still rises to over 20 degrees Celsius but it can go below zero at night. So the trees are getting yellow and orange etc. but most of the time the weather isn't the kind I'm used to at home.

Where are you from?

2005-09-23T03:55:00.000+03:00

Practically every day people ask me this question. Sometimes several times a day. Apparently I sound funny. No longer British, but just funny. It's my vowels they say. So I’ve given up. I will never have a “perfect” American accent (then we can discuss which part of the U.S. speaks that “perfect” accent). I don’t think I can find a place, where everyone would speak in the exact same dialect, or where I would be the only foreigner. Here I find myself mostly affected by British, German and Swedish accents. So I have now decided to accept the fact (quoting several sources from the English department ;) that each person has their own idiolect blah blah blah.

So, when I tell people where I’m from, I generally get two types of response. Others get all excited. Then they either tell me: “Oh, cool, I have a sister/brother/cousin in [insert any Scandinavian city]!” (“Well, that’s nice. It’s a different country, you know”) or: “Cool! I have this Finnish friend “Samsa” (intonation so that you should react: “Oh, Samsa, he’s like my best friend”), he’s like the coolest person I’ve ever met”. Well, apparently there was an exchange student called Sampsa here and he seemed to have known a lot of people because seriously very many people have mentioned him!

The other group is also very excited but have obviously no clue whether Finland is a state, town, an independent country…

If the conversation goes on (usually not if the second group is in question), next they’ll ask me, why I came to Moscow, Idaho. For some reason (and I’ve noticed this before) people seem to think that their particular small hometown is so much more boring than any other small town in America. Personally, I don’t think it makes much of a difference whether I’m in Idaho, Arizona or California. Larger cities are too far away if you don’t have a car, services are the same everywhere (like 20 times better than in an equally sized Finnish city!)…

And yes, it gets cold in Finland, at least by your standards, but I’m really quite comfortable with it. And yeah, seriously, over there we wear more clothes outdoors than indoors and for me regular room temperature is not 17 degrees Celsius.

Fireplace

2005-09-19T02:48:00.000+03:00

I have to tell you about the fireplace in our building. It's really cool, and safe. You turn the switch and the (gas) flames come out immediately. The "logs" are made of rock or such. But it warms, which is great in the temperatures we have INDOORS around here!

...

Yesterday we visited the Latah County Fair. A genuine American experience with chicken auctions, caramel apples and the competition for the largest pumpkin!

Bare necessities?

2005-09-16T01:11:00.000+03:00

We're out of toilet paper. In fact, there's not one single roll of it in the whole building (well, except for the toilet in the common area wehre I went for a hunt this morning). Apparently, the housing administration guys don't consider having paper a true necessity. I say guys because I believe they are. I don't think you need to justify a woman, why an apartment with 5 women needs more than a roll of paper a week. Rumor has it that we should get some today (we've been rationed for like two weeks). Keeping my fingers crossed (and legs too, if we don't get some soon...).

Miscellaneous bits of life

2005-09-12T05:00:00.000+03:00

Tomorrow starts the 4th week of school! I can't believe it, had to check my calendar to make sure. I'm really enjoying my courses, and so far have kept up with the readings. I've had my first pop-quiz, which was horrible (had to write an essay in 10 minutes, I didn't even have time to think about what I was going to write). Ended up having a B, which is great, but I'm still embarassed at my contribution...

I've noticed I've got tons of freetime here. Everything is so efficient: you cross the street to go to classes, and another street on the other side of home to go to the gym. What do with all the time? They have these poster around that say that university students spend approximately 15hours a week on homework. Seriously! I spend my time reading, exercising, surfing the Internet and cooking! I pride in trying to cook "real food" almost everyday - or at least have Timo cook while I look pretty ;) Anyway, it makes me feel accomplished - eating something else than pasta every day! In terms of food, I've been having trouble: everything's got milk in it! At home I can at least use low-lactose stuff, which keeps the lactose intolerance ok but here there isn't really any products available! Today I took my first look at the pharmacy trying to find some pills and there were just tons of different medicine for heartburn and other food-related "illnesses". Also a lot of the commercials on tv advertise these medicines. Got me thinking that "maybe" there's something wrong with the people's diet... These people must have a lot of trouble with their stomachs.

Yesterday a whole bunch of international students went on a white water rafting trip! I was really scared at first: I had thought that we'd have this big boat and I could just pretty much hold something and be comfortable ;) but we ended up having to sit kind of high up on a small raft, paddling. But when I got over my fear it was pretty cool. The rapids weren't too big, either. At first the weather was all pleasant and people were swimming etc. but then it started hailing! Ice just coming down to my ears, eyes... It was so freezing! But when it stopped, the water felt really warm and I ended up jumping in with my clothes on just before we were coming to shore. I thought I need to experience the whole "swimming-with-clothes-on" experience. The water didn't feel so warm anymore... Luckily I had taken dry clothes to the van so I could change everything after I got up from the water. Really cool trip!

Now I'll get ready for another week amidst the wheat fields! :)

First impressions of Am. university life

2005-08-28T03:45:00.000+03:00

Not really that much to tell yet. It's pretty cool that most of my teachers are PhDs in a field related to the course in question. They seem to know what they're talking about :) For a Finnish (European too?) student it's hard to get enough courage to open your mouth even if you're not quite sure what you're saying, or if you disagree with the teacher. I think that in Finland the student-teacher relationships are kind of strange. On one hand we often call them by their first names but then on the other we seem to hold them on a pedestal, not daring to question their opinions, taking everything they say as the only truth. It's quite enjoyable to be in a class where people express their opinions, and especially get counterarguments from the teacher and other students.

What has surprised me is the amount of books I need to buy. For 5 courses I have 13 books and one large set of copies. That adds up to quite an amount. And students are really expected to read during the semester, not just for the exams - classroom participation can be up to 25% of the grade!

Outside school, I do feel a little "stuck" here. The busses don't run on weekends and my free bike isn't good enough to make long trips. Today we rented mountain bikes and ended up doing quite a workout. (Stupid Europeans think they can actually ride their bikes to the start of some biketrails - oh no, you kind of need a car for that too!) Next weekend we'll probably go see Spokane or some other bigger city. Looking forward to that!!

Finally in Moscow

2005-08-20T23:43:00.000+03:00

So here we are then. It's hot. I definitely didn't expect this, and have far too little summer clothes with me. Have moved to my room on Thursday, it's quite nice really. Well, the bed is so high my feet don't reach the ground at all and I'm always afraid I'm going to fall off the bed at night. I share the apartment with 4 other girls whom I haven't had much chance to talk to yet. So far it definitely looks like a (American) girlie apartment.

The first few days we spent at the Royal Motor Inn (not exactly as fancy as it sounds ;) and especially the Northern European students kept saying how badly they want to cook their own meals and now that we're here, everybody rushes to the next building for all-you-can-eat breakfast, lunch and dinner :D It's really not worth it. Same food for lunch and dinner, day after day. Forget about it.

I've been doing some sightseeing at the supermarkets. Found only cheddar cheese and nothing with 20% or less of fat. And what's with the way of recording the nutrition facts? They give them in servings, so you have to go around with a calculator to get a good picture (like 28 ounces of cheese...). These people here should definitely give up and accept the metric system.

Anyway, it's been interesting. I've spent a year in American high school and so far it doesn't seem that different :D Parents take their kids around, teachers practically hold your hand to make sure you go to class etc. Well, the actual lectures start on Monday, so more comments then!

Here we go

2005-08-10T18:57:00.000+03:00

New York. Warm, humid but cloudy. You never get this atmosphere in Finland – maybe it’s the big city smell?

Flight wasn’t too bad. I actually got some sleep, with my “shades” and some peaceful music. There was some terrible turbulence though. I really didn’t enjoy that. It was very suspicious: outside it was all nice and sunny but the plane was jumping like hell. And there were no announcements or anything…

The traffic in New York is chaotic – we’d never taken a cab or a bus before but now we took the Super Shuttle to Manhattan. Very South European :) And also the way how the driver (well, he probably _was_ Italian) stuffed more people into the van than there were supposed to be.

“Driver’s tips are not included in your voucher” – “so what – if the guy like starts telling you what to see in New York you’ve gotta tell him to shut up if you don’t want to pay extra?” Yeah, it took me a while to realize the sign was talking about tip for the driver… :D

Now I’ve got to figure out a way to stay awake for some 5 more hours (I’ve already been awake for 17, and slept only about 5 hours last night). Way to go.

By the way...

2005-07-22T09:10:00.000+03:00

... in case anyone happens to end up on this blog and wonders why it is so boooooring: I wanted to write down some practical things that I had to do before I go, and I hope to have something "original" to say once I actually get to the U.S. Stay tuned :)

Rest of my life...

2005-07-19T01:24:00.000+03:00

I decided to give an update about everything else - maybe just for me, maybe for someone else, if anyone ever reads this ;)

I've had a very peaceful - you could say boring - weekend. Visited my parents, helped my mum with 5kg of strawberries (to freeze)... I was somehow mellow or something, maybe it was the heat, (thunder) stormy weather whatever.

Best thing: taking a nap outside! That was awesome! Trying to remember these little things ("Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away")

Accomplishments: "canning" 5kg of strawberries, doing weight training at home (biceps with 5kg, yeah :)

Always more stuff to do

2005-07-19T01:20:00.000+03:00

Fast service from the embassy. The visas arrived already on Friday. Timo picked them up today at the post office. I hear there's a sealed envelope stamped to it - I think you're not supposed to open it?

Just when I thought I had "everything" under control, I could quickly list 11 things that need organizing sooner or later. In fact, I did take care of some of them already but still. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll be running some errands on Monday night before we leave...

But at least I've got a suitcase now :) Bought a huge one yesterday. I've promised myself that all my clothes must fit there not only in August but also in December when we come back... It'll be so much nicer with only one suitcase!

Endless bureaucracy

2005-07-14T00:20:00.000+03:00

I survived it! Today I went for the visa interview - took about an hour (2,5 including travel and lunch ;) with maybe 3 minutes spent at the actual interview. I felt like an important person, having a guard escort me across the yard etc. Lots of papers and waiting involved. No scary questions, actually the lady was very nice. Had my fingerprints taken, luckily was able to avoid cuts, blisters etc. that would have prevented me from applying for the visa until the fingers healed.

So, now even that's in order. I'm good to go!! Seriously, I sometimes forget why I'm running all these errands - there have been so many things that it seems as if it was just part of my daily routine ;) It makes me happy to remember that I'm actually going to travel in ... 26,5 days :D

2005-06-16T21:16:00.000+03:00

Have I participated in a genocide or the operations of Nazi Germany? That's what they wanted to know when I filled out my visa application... Well, I've arranged an interview, the first available time is in mid-July, so I honestly don't think I'm too early with this one... Well, anyway, that one's on its way and actually I think I've taken care of all the major issues now!! (Oops. Except I haven't registered for the courses yet - will have to do that today!)

Apart from practical matters, I'm suffering from severe "traveling fever" :) I totally can't wait. I'm reading all kinds of books and Internet articles about New York (where we will be heading first), the Pacific Northwest and lately also California (we're planning a little trip there with my parents after the semester). I'm already dreaming about Au Bon Pain in New York. Our flight will land at Newark at around 1pm. so the only thing I probably manage to do that day is go and have a raisin&cinnamon bagle there, and get adjusted to the time difference. This time round I want to explore more the area around Central Park and also head out to Brooklyn etc. (Last time we went to New York we only had a few days so we concentrated on the "must-see tourist attractions mostly Midtown and Downtown.) I really, honestly feel the time should be going a bit faster. 54 more days ;)

2005-06-14T01:43:00.000+03:00

What language do you speak when you call/visit the U.S. embassy in Finland? Their website is all in English (!) and I haven't got a clue. I'm trying to prepare my documents for the visa application and now I'm just waiting to get proof that I can support myself next fall >:) Thank goodness for exhange programs, I only need to prove funds of $850 for the whole semester.

Another thing: I was trying to figure out the fees for the visa, and it appears I need to pay two different ones (the other apparently solely for the purpose of keeping people employed??) and I can't even find out the amount I'm supposed to pay... And this time, now that I finally have my own Visa credit card, this fee must be paid through the bank, not with the card... :/

Otherwise, I'm excited. I'm virtually counting days for my summer job to end and for the flight to take off. I really feel I need this change of environment!! (And no, I'm not counting on the exchange to solve my problems - except that my only problem at the moment seems to be that everything is too familiar and monotonous, which will certainly change when I go to a new place, so...)

Getting started

2005-06-06T06:29:00.000+03:00

This blog will be my "travelogue" for the coming fall semester, which I'll be spending at the University of Idaho.

When you start thinking about a semester abroad, you think you just apply and that's about it. The closer it gets, the more you start to feel that it actually really would be easier to just stay home :) Well, by now, with a bit over two months left here in Finland, I'm really excited about seeing something new for a change.

So far I've managed this:
- made two sets of applications (first for my own university and then for the host university)
- filled in medical forms etc. when I got accepted
- renewed my passport (now I've got the EU passport that's stupid red instead of blue, and it has one plastic page, which makes it difficult to close)
- bought health insurance
- bought plane tickets
- applied for housing and paid the fee for that (have now received a single room in a 5-person apartment)

A major thing not completed: visa application. I haven't even received the papers yet. I'm going to be in trouble if I don't get the visa for the same date with my flight... As for the Visa with a capital V, I've proudly received a student Visa credit card after completing 60 credits at the university. Haven't had the courage to use it yet :)

Next, I'm going to meet with my home university coordinator and hopefully get those visa forms and then I'll have to start thinking, which courses to take. As easy as it is to find info in the Internet these days, course descriptions aren't that readily available at least before the semester starts. So I'm relying fully on course names, which probably isn't such a good idea.